Do Men Really Have Higher Sex Drives?
Do men have higher sex drives than women? People ask me that question constantly, as if there must be some neat, scientific ranking where men sit proudly at the top of the libido ladder, and women trail politely behind. As a male escort, I’m often treated as if I’m some kind of field researcher in human desire—an expert witness in the court of the male libido. And yes, I do have a rather generous sex drive of my own, which people assume gives me special insight. But even with all that, I can’t offer the simple, clear-cut answer many people are hoping for.
“Cut to the chase, Mark,” I hear you saying. “So do they, or don’t they?”
The honest answer is: not necessarily. I know that’s not as satisfying as a bold headline—“Men Proven to Want Sex More Than Women!”—, but reality is much messier than that. In my work as one of the escorts in London, I meet an enormous variety of people. Different ages, different backgrounds, different bodies, different needs. If there’s one thing I can say with absolute certainty, it’s this: some people have high sex drives, and some people don’t, and that has far less to do with gender than most people like to believe.
Over the years, I’ve met countless clients whose desire levels completely defy the stereotypes. I’ve met men whose appetite for sex could politely be described as “occasional” and women whose hunger for physical connection is intense, sustained, and unapologetic. I’ve also met the reverse—men who want sex as often as they can get it, and women who are content with something far more measured. If there’s a pattern, it’s not drawn along the line of male versus female; it’s drawn along individual lives, histories, emotional needs, and personal comfort with their own sexuality.
What My Clients Really Want
I meet male and female clients—sometimes separately, occasionally together—and what strikes me is how similar their underlying desires often are. Yes, there are obvious physical differences; bodies fit together in different ways, and the mechanics of what we do can vary. But beneath that, the core themes are remarkably alike: people are looking for connection, release, pleasure, validation, escape, or simply a break from the roles they play in everyday life.
Many of the men who hire male escorts are not the clichés people imagine. They’re often happily married, sometimes long-term partnered, and many describe themselves as straight. They don’t necessarily see their encounters with me as a statement about their identity. For them, it can be curiosity, a controlled experiment with boundaries they’ve quietly wondered about for years. Sometimes it’s the thrill of something different from their usual routine. Sometimes it’s the specific fantasy of a hard, muscular, gym-honed body. Sometimes it’s the desire for something fast, physical, and uncomplicated—an experience they can step into and out of without negotiation or emotional demands.
Call it curiosity. Call it the itch for novelty. Call it the craving for something raw and immediate. For some, it’s about power—handing it over or taking it back. For others, it’s about being seen and desired in a way they don’t experience in their day-to-day lives.
And yes, before you ask, I do slow and gentle too. The stereotype of the male escort as permanently set to “hard and fast” is just that—a stereotype. A lot of clients, regardless of gender, want tenderness as much as they want intensity: eye contact, unhurried touch, time to relax into their own sensations. Sometimes the most powerful encounters have nothing to do with acrobatics and everything to do with patience and presence.
The High-Powered Businesswoman
Then there are my female clients, who are every bit as varied. One woman in particular stands out: a high-powered businesswoman, always on the move, her days carved into back-to-back meetings, decisions, and responsibilities. On paper, she’s the embodiment of control and efficiency. Yet when she hires a male escort, she’s looking for the exact opposite. For her, sex is a way to switch off her mind and drop out of her head and into her body.
Her favourite way to relax isn’t a spa day or a glass of wine—it’s the down and dirty, and a lot of it. She tells me, quite matter-of-factly, that her sex drive is far higher than her husband’s. She loves him deeply and doesn’t want to leave him. But he simply can’t keep pace with the level of intimacy and intensity she craves. Rather than pressuring him, resenting him, or trying to squeeze him into a version of himself that doesn’t fit, she’s chosen another route.
Hiring me is, for her, a practical solution to an ongoing mismatch. It’s a way to care for her own needs without tearing apart a marriage she values. She can be the devoted wife at home and the unapologetic hedonist with me. For her, this arrangement keeps her balanced. It lets her pour herself fully into her demanding job and return to her husband with her edges softened, her frustrations released. In her mind, this doesn’t contradict her love for him; it actually helps preserve it.
Why Gender Stereotypes Don’t Hold Up
Stories like hers break the cliché that “men like sex, women like love.” I see women who like sex a lot—fiercely, joyfully, without shame—and men whose relationship with sex is complicated, hesitant, or secondary to emotional connection. I also see men who are driven by physical desire above all, and women who value romance, affection, and emotional security more than genital fireworks. The point is not that one is right and the other wrong, but that you simply can’t take a lazy slogan and paste it over millions of individual lives.
From where I stand, up close to the realities most people keep private, the neat little gender boxes fall apart. Desire is influenced by hormones and bodies, sure, but also by upbringing, culture, religion, self-esteem, trauma, fantasy, opportunity, and how safe someone feels in expressing who they really are. You cannot line all that up and reduce it to “men are like this, women are like that” without flattening the truth beyond recognition.
So when people ask me if men have higher sex drives than women, I think of all the faces I’ve seen, all the stories I’ve been told behind closed doors. I think of the married men who come to me out of curiosity or hunger, and the married women who come to me because their own hunger outpaces what their partners can offer. I think of how differently people light up, how their bodies respond, how their desires surface once they feel safe enough to let them.
My Job, Plain and Simple
In the end, my job is fairly simple. I do what I do. My clients get what they want—or, at least, what they’re ready to ask for—and everyone leaves a little lighter, a little more satisfied, maybe a little closer to understanding themselves. The clichés can stay in magazine columns and lazy dinner party conversations. In the real world of escorts in London, our only real goal is that our clients walk away feeling genuinely happy, whatever their gender and whatever their appetite for pleasure.
